“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
Death is such a funny concept! It has been such a strange experience to lose such a close loved one. Who, as you experience the loss, you realise what a large and influencing part of your life they really were!
This changes so much of my core identity now. I took her for granted, always expecting her to be around. The second mother who looks after you! Cares for you! Always! Has now been lost to me and is no longer a part of my life. How do we move forward?
At first, you know you begin to repress the hurt; the brain has no way of comprehending such a major loss, so a weird survival instincts kick in and you function, we organise and somehow survive the loss, “getting through” those first couple of days. You go through a week or two and you believe yourself to be surviving until you sit in your quiet moment and realise that you have not been sleeping, your eating pattern have been non-existent and the lack of care you’ve been treating yourself has basically gone unchecked!
The loss, it still flows through me. But we survive! How??? We must begin with looking after ourselves, it might not reduce the loss but, it might increase the healing! For that’s all I look for, some way to move forward, without this profound feeling of sadness!
My brain refuses to comprehend the understanding that I know I will get to a time where I am almost used to her not being here! What my life would look like with her having not been in it. My life; who I was going to be and the direction it was taking has now completely been changed by this experience!
I am currently going through a major life changing experience in my life; in the eye of the storm hoping at the end of all of this something positive comes out of it… A drive to achieve and experience all life has to offer, for it is too short and fragile and MUST BE lived to the fullest!!!! Go after the things you want, love whomever you want, be whoever you want to be, be you so completely and utterly in the most fullest way!
She continues to teach me and enrich my life even in her death and all I can think in this moment is, how grateful I am to have had her in my life! So my final words of this post will simply be… thank you!
Go out into the world and live life fully,